The Return of the Twins
by MJshunpike
Summary: FINISHED :: Fred and George return for their exams. Unlikely? Not quite... NO MORE A ONE SHOT Fourth chapter up.
1. History of Magic

Hello all! I'm trying to work particularly on one shots at the moment, so here it goes. Fred and George are back in their seventh year and they are back for their exams! Unlikely, right? Not quite...

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Disclaimer: Alright, so I don't own Fred and George. Or Umbridge (thankfully). But I DO own this plot. HA!

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**(History of Magic Exam)**

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"Alright, Fred. Umbridge is just about to stand up to say her death speech."

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"Ok. I'll see you, George, thirty minutes in?"

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"Make it a quarter to, never want to be too early."

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"Right-o."

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Fred Weasley pushed open the giant double doors and entered the exam room like a conquering hero. However, it was not our ordinairy Fred searching for a seat. He had a floral bathrobe on, sporting fluffy slippers and a towel wrapped around his head.

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After Professor Umbridge let the exam begin, she walked over to Fred's desk.

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"Ahem."

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"Lee, did you hear something?"

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Fred buried his nose in his exam and began to rub his head and write furiously, trying to concentrate hard.

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"Ahem."

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"Right, **WHAT IS IT**?"

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"Excuse me, Mr Weasley, but may I ask you a question?"

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"As long as it does not cause any harm or emotional damage to me in any way."

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"May I ask_what_ you are doing in a bathrobe? This is not suitable for school wear. Please return only when you are in your Hogwarts uniform."

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"Can you find a rule, _Professor_ Umbridge, that forbids me to wear what makes me be able to think well in an exam? History of Magic is my FAVORITE course, and Professor Binns is my FAVORITE teacher, and I NEED to pass this course. So if you do not let me do what I need to take this exam, I will be writing to the MINISTRY OF MAGIC."

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Professor Umbridge was so shocked, she didn't know what to do. Instead she turned around and walked back to her observing desk. Fred took apart each page from the exam and neatly arranged them in a pile. He folded each one into different paper airplanes, and put a charm on them.

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He shot the first one and it went right up Umbridge's right nostril.

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"Oh sorry, Professor. I didn't mean to. I was trying to throw it in the garbage, but your nose is incredibly hard to miss."

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"How dare y-"

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"SQUEEKERS, STOP IT!" roared George. "OW! THAT HURT WORMIE!"

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George Weasley was covered head to toe in a countless number of baby rats. Professor Umbridge forgot Fred's insult instantly and walked over to George.

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"Wow, Professor Umbridge, I didn't know you were still living! You look fantastic considering your age!"

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The students tried the stifle their laughs and even the teachers couldn't help from snorting.

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"FRED WEASLEY!"

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"IM NOT FRED, IM GEORGE! ISN'T IT FUN SHOUTING LIKE THIS? WE SHOULD DO IT ALL THE TIME!"

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"WHAT are you DOING with those RATS all over you? And WHY are you so LATE?"

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"My RAT had BABIES and I had to HELP her give BIRTH. Then the MOM passed AWAY and I had to TAKE the baby RATS with ME! I HOPE you don't MIND but it would be CRUELTY to ANIMALS if you TOOK them AWAY!"

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Professor Umbridge had nothing to say. She stormed back to her desk and watched George closely under her eye.

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George sat down in an empty seat and took out his exam, a shock of horror on his face.

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"Do you _really_ think I'm gonna waste my time on this piece of junk? I could be celebrating an early Christmas!"

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At this, George ripped his exam into several small pieces, and shoved them in his mouth. After chewing it for a while, he spat them out onto his desk. An armful of wet paper, he threw the pieces high into the air and shouted:

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"HAPPY CHRISTMAS!"

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Professor Umbridge ordered George to be sent out. When none of the teachers listened, she difficultly pushed George and Fred out herself and made them stay in their dorms.

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"Well, that was fun."

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"I'd say so. Can't wait 'til the Herbology Exam!"

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So, how was it? Was it not funny enough? Sorry. If I ever make their Herbology Exam, I'll make it funnier. But as for now, this is a one-shot. Please review and please provide LOTS of critism.


	2. Herbology

Intro: Okay! It's no more a one-shot! Second chappie is now officially official. You know what I just noticed? Return of the Twins is "ROTT", which can mean two things. Either you are weird and think of it as rot as in Fred and George think that Umbridge is a rotting old bat. Or, you are lotr obsessed like me, and rott sounds like a mix of ttt and rotk (the two towers and the return of the king). Cool, eh? On with the summary…

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Summary: What are Gred and Forge (I mean Ged and Freg… oh, whatever) going to do THIS time? You'll just have to read on to find out (grins evilly). Please Review!

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**TOM:** You have NO idea how much brightening your day brightened my day. You are my first reviewer and I totally love you (not really but hey). I am so glad you found my story funny! (Points- He found my story funny! Did you hear that? He found my story… heh…ok.) As for the rats thing, I don't wanna make excuses so yeah, I didn't really find that funny either. It was a lot funnier when my friend told me that it would be hilarious if she brought all of her pets (she has around 30) to an exam and claimed they were all sick and needed comfort 24/7. I tried to change it a bit but seeing as Hogswarts is so used to pets, it didn't work out too well. Oh well. This chapter (in my opinion) is way funny though so READ IT! Hehehe…

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**JESSICA:** Wow! ANOTHER reviewer! Who would've known? I'm so happy! I should really continue with the other classes, eh? I suppose you mean exams. Well, guess what? I DID! Of course, by the time you read this you probably already know that. Oh well.

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"Fred, are we even taking Herbology? I don't think we were even supposed to go to the exam in the first place."

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"Who said we can't go to exams we're not suppose to be in just because we didn't enroll and they tell us we're not enrolled?"

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"Umm… didn't quite get that. But sure, why not."

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"Got your quill case, Georgie Porgie?"

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"Yep. C'mon, it's nearly started."

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Fred and George entered the Examinations Room. All heads turned (including the teachers) but were all disappointed when they didn't see one abnormal thing about the twins. Some went back to chatting with their friends, some watched as if waiting for something to explode, and others were trying to think of all the things that George (or Fred) could do with a quill case.

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"Fred, George, over here!" Lee called them to sit down by him.

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After the two sat down, Severus Snape stood up to give the introductory speech. Unfortunately, Professor Umbridge was not present due to some apparently permanent green spots all over her face.

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When Professor Snape concluded and snugly sat down in Umbridge's usual spot, a few heads again turned to Fred and George. They were saddened to see that Fred did nothing but open his exam and begin, but had quite a showck with George. Students nudged their friends beside them to watch as George took out his small quill case, and unloaded an impossible amount of odd objects.

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First, he took out twenty-four colouring wax crayons and laid them all neatly on his desk. Following the crayons were two paint brushes and twelve water colour paints and arranged them as well. This went on with thirty-two neon felts, eighteen coloured pencils, and thirty-eight scented markers.

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After ten minutes of unloading everything, George could be seen slowly, gently, and neatly picking up each tool in turn and writing a single letter to form a sentence: the answer to the first question.

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Many students laughed inside, and feeling that the joke wouldn't be that funny after all, returned to their exams. However, it was only five minutes later that George carefully placed each tool back into his tiny quill case, moved to another empty desk across the room, sat down, and unloaded. There, he answered question number two.

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Suddenly, a concentrated Fred started to talk.

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"Finally! Wow that fourth question was a toughy. Alright, number five… name five effects of the Gillyweed. Gillyweed? We never studied that! Hmm… One: Gives you gills. Two: Gives you webbed hands. Three: Gives you webbed feet. Four: Gills let you breathe under water. Five: Webbed hands and feet let you swim good. That's pretty g–"

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"Weasley!" Snape's shrill voice called. "Why are you talking out loud? I will not tolerate you giving out answers to all of the students, even if they are completely incorrect!"

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"I wasn't giving out answers! How dare you accuse me of such a spiteful act?"

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"Don't play games with me, Weasley. We all know perfectly well that you were thinking aloud."

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"Thinking aloud? You must be mad! Can you really hear my thoughts? Wow, look everyone! Snape's a telepathist! I never knew you took Divination! Are you in seventh year?"

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"I am not a telepathist and I do not take Divination!"

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"Oh, I thought you weren't. I knew you could never read my mind. Sure, like you could ever read MY thoughts. What an unthinkable thing to think!"

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Snape walked away, steam in his ears, but with no words to shoot back. The Twins seemed to have this effect on many people. Fred, however, continued to talk aloud.

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"Merlin! Snape has really gone loopy today. Reading minds, ha! I bet he thinks that he can hear me right now…"

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"That's IT, Weasley! I have had enough! Out you go!"

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And so Snape picked up Fred by the collar of his robe and dragged him out of the room. Other than George's change of seat every fifteen minutes, no one had really noticed him anymore until…

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"ALRIGHT EVERYBODY, LISTEN UP!" roared George. "I NEED EVERYONE'S PARTICIPATION IN THIS. READY? DO THE WAVE!"

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George stood up vigorously and threw his hands up in the air. With the help of Lee on his right, many students joined in. Soon, almost all of the room was doing the wave. Teachers were strapping themselves down so they wouldn't do it as well. Only a small gap of Slytherins did not participate.

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This went on for a while seeing as Snape was the only one trying to get them to stop, and since different people were standing up each millisecond, he couldn't really grab hold of anyone. Finally, Snape stood in the middle and with a defeated look, cried:

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"SIT DOWN EVERYONE OR YOU WILL ALL FAIL!"

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Eight revolting words made the entire class sit down and hurriedly return to their exams as if nothing had happened. Snape did not even have to tell George to leave. With a tip of his wizard's hat and a triumphant smile, George strolled out of the room and pushed the double doors open with all the might of his two hands.

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"Good going, George. I didn't reckon everyone would join in."

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"Ah well, go on…" he said with a smile.

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"What've we got next?"

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George grinned the slyest smile imaginable and whispered, "Potions."

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Is this one funnier? Well I've already planned out what they're going to do in their Potions exam, but I am running out of ideas. Anyone have any great ones for, say, Divination? Read and Review, Please!


	3. Potions

Well hullo there! Yet another chapter is being updated in such a short time. I hope you all enjoy, and I DO hope this one will be funnier, or at least as funny as the last ones. RR!

**Bigkihap:** Wow! It was really hysterical? One word: thanks! So the second wasn't as funny, eh? I guess not. Read the third chappie and tell me what you think. I do hope its better. Oh and thanks for the ideas.

**Jessica:** I see you are keeping up with the story. Good, good. Can't wait for the Potions exam? Read a bit further down and you'll find it! Wahoo! Keep up with the program, Dori. Or Jessica, I mean. Do you have a username? You should get an account...

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot, alright?

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Fred and George entered the Potions Exam room in the dungeons, but both were remarkably different for being identical twins. Fred had a very glum and exhausted look to him, and carried a pink fluffy cushion in his hands. George, on the other hand, looked particularly cheerful that afternoon, grinning from ear to ear, and had an enormous bulge in one of his robe pockets.

"It's so hot in here," complained Fred. "I wouldn't be surprised if someone fell asleep. Why does it smell so much like Snape's classroom in here? You know, that troll dung stench–"

"Oh, c'mon Fred. It doesn't smell nearly as bad as Snape's classroom. You really need to lighten up."

George then strolled over to Professor McGonagall, who was helping with the exam patrolling. George had gotten far into the song "what's new pussycat" until a spot-free Umbridge started a speech. With a wink to the Transfiguration Professor, George settled down to a seat beside Fred.

"You may all begin your Examination. Good luck." finished Umbridge.

"Well it's about time!" Fred whispered loudly. It wasn't more than a second until he rolled back his head and clonked it down on his pink fluffy pillow, which was settled on his desk. Fred snored loudly every once in a while, and drooled all over the cushion.

Clap! Clap! George clapped his hands twice.

A couple minutes later… Clap! Clap!

The teachers didn't think much of George's odd double claps every few minutes, but after the thirteenth time, Umbridge waddled over to his desk.

"Ahem."

Clap! Clap!

"Ahem."

Clap! Clap!

"Excuse me, Fred."

"I'm George." Clap! Clap!

"Excuse me, George,"

"You're excused."

"_Mr Weasley,_" she said quite annoyed. "Why are you clapping your hands?"

"During an exam, it's quite critical to think well. I clap my hands twice to turn on the little light bulb in my head! _Duh!_"

"Well, Mr Weasley, you are going to have to find another mode of thinking, because it is interfering with the other students' thinking."

"Ok." George smiled.

Umbridge, thinking she had finally overcome at least one of the twins, triumphantly returned to her seat at the front. It was only a few minutes, however, before George took out the bulge from his pocket, which was a tiny ukulele. With a simple charm, he maximized its volume and started to play "tiny bubbles".

Umbridge got up once again and almost broke a sweat by the time she arrived at George's desk once more.

"George, you are not allowed to play an instrument during an examination."

"Oh really? Does it say that? I didn't find that in the Student's Handbook of Rights. However, I did find that we were allowed to do whatever we wanted to help us think more clearly."

"What Students Handbook? There's no such thing."

"It says so right here."

George pulled out a very thin book that consisted of two sheets of parchment turned sideways and folded in half. Inside, George showed Umbridge a form of his own messy scrawl which read:

'All students have the right to do whatever they want to help them think more clearly during an examination.'

Umbridge stared at George with an unconvinced smile. George, however, had found that he was perfectly correct.

"See," he said in a know-it-all voice. "I _told_ you so."

Umbridge stifled an odd scream of anger and Professor Snape pushed George out of the room. There were fifteen minutes left of the three hour exam when Fred noticibly woke up with a large jerk and yawn. He took off his cushion to reveal a blank exam. Checking the clock, his eyes widened considerably.

"Oh, Merlin. I better get crackin'!"

Fred zipped through his exam, as if in fast forward, and when he finished, five minutes early, set his papers down.

"Well _that_ was easy." He proclaimed as the other students were far from finished.

Fred yawned and took out a white mask from his robes, which he lay on the desk. He set down his wizard's hat, pulled his cloak hood over his head, and put on the white mask. No one except muggle borns laughed when he stood up and ran around the room shouting:

"DUNH! Dunhdunh dunh dunh dunh dunh! The Phantom of the Opera is there... inside your heart!"

Umbridge chased him between the desks and still Fred ran around, dodging her simply, as though he didn't notice her. He went around shouting his "Phantom of the Opera" line and soon Umbridge, tired from all of that walking, sat down puffing, and George walked straight out of the room to join his twin.

"Well George," greeted Fred. "I hope Umbridge has learned her lesson."

"Not until we give her almost-permanent Jelly Legs."

"Wicked! But then there won't be anyone to torment in our next exam!"

"Of course they'll be. We've got Divination next. Trelawny will be great fun."

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It's over :'( Oh well. How'd you like it THIS time? Funny? Funnier? Not so Funny? Dull? Boring? Please RR. Divination coming soon, but if I don't get any more ideas that will be it. 


	4. Divination

Hey, guys. Sorry it's been so long. Alright! I'm finally updating! Gosh! Lol. This one I don't think will be as funny. It's really hard to come up with funny stuff, alright? A lot harder than you think! Keep reviewing…

Disclaimer: I know, I know. I don't own anyone but ol' Professor Uponavon.

**Summary**: Now it's time for divination. But this is no mere written exam…

**_UPDATED_ Reviewers _UPDATED _**Thank you all!

Crayoncookie: No, it sounds like the stupid things WE do everyday, lol. Thanks!

Bigkihap: Yes, I used it! Thanks! I love the "better get crackin" thing too.

Lady Darkshine: whoah. You're welcome and thank you.

Ime-Grint: Thank you. What a great review!

Tom and Tom: I'm so happy you're back! My first reviewer! Thanks for the typo thing, if I ever have time, I'll change it (not likely) lol. Well, here's Divination for ya. I'm glad I'm brightening your day.

Twylla: Look everyone! My story was the most hilarious one that twylla has ever read! Thanks!

Martha Warren/Brittany Miller: Well I did continue it! If I can squeeze Ginny in there, I will!

pink-helga: Yeah, I think it is hard, too. I'm glad that you think that I did well! Thanks!

bigkihap: it was funnier? Yes! Well tell me what was funnier about it then before, so I can put more of -it- in the next one.

incident: actually, I don't do too much of that in school. Only with friends and fam. You don't need to wait for herbology, I've posted 3 more chapters since (including herbology) !

Gewndolyn: I was hoping that someone would like that part! I added the fourth chapter before you updated, incase you wanted to know. Oh wait, this IS the fourth chapter, I was just editing it again. :)

**new--->**

hpluva2000: I love the phantom, too! Awesome movie. Okay, I kept going! Thanks.

Chinese Phoenix: Another phantom lover! I LOVE the phantom! Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant! Thank you very much.

wilddog14: GO WEASLEY TWINS! That should be our greeting to each other. Too bad you aren't registered. Well, if you ever do get an account, email me! GO WEASLEY TWINS! (It means hello and goodbye. And thank you. And... whatever.)

Elephant Wings: Oh, I can imagine it alright. But what's even clearer in my mind is you smearing your nose against the moniter. LOL! Thanks!

bighikap: What a faithful reviewer! I'm glad that it was funny. Too bad George didn't get much of a part in it :( I'll have to make it up to him.

martha warren: Sorry I didn't put Ginny in this chapter. If I do continue, it will beCharmsand I'll HAVE to put her in. I just dont' know how, because she doesn't take OWLs yet.

FluffyTPS: Thanks so much! Unforunately, I'll only write more if I can regenerate my Weaslery-Goodness. I can't think of any more funny stuff. My head hurts.

Tom (again): You're a faithy, too! tear j/k. Thank you, thank you, thank you! You're the best!

Dark Priestess SubikaT: 1) just go with the flow, okay? Everyone else did. 2) "It's more the fact that they exist, if you know what I mean." The slytherins are JKR's chosen antagonists. I'm also writing a Fred and George story, and they don't like Slytherins much. Can't go out of character, now can I?

Elephant Wings: You again! Woohee! I like monty python :) I'm scared, I'm scared! Waahhh :'( Haha. Anyway, I might update, but don't kill me if I don't!

WildSong: I changed it for you. Happy? I am :) Thanks.

jadiegreenie14ie: awww... what a loving friend! Haha. Thanks a lot, pooface! Lol jk.

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"YES!" shouted George, reading the Examinations Schedule.

"What?" asked Fred.

"The Divination Exam isn't written! Do you know what that means?"

"You know I don't pay attention in class. Why don't you tell me?"

"The Seventh Year Divination Examination," read George. "Consists of Palmistry or the Trance."

"Brilliant! Those are, by far, the most excellent forms of Divination!"

"For us, that is," completed George.

Fred and George strolled along the corridor toward the exam room. This took a while, however, seeing as the twins threw dungbombs at every single pack of Slytherins they passed. The twins now hadn't a care in the world, being in seventh year and worrying about getting kicked out.Then they reached the exam room.

"I'm sorry,"an examiner said."Butwe only take one person at a time for Divination. You are going to have to wait."

"What? We have to wait?" asked Fred, as if they were sentencing him to life-time prison.

"It's because we're red, isn't it? Huh? Are you against our color?" challenged George.

The examiner was positively flustered, and ran off to some room. Meanwhile, Fred and George snuck around corners, setting up traps for any latecomers.

At long last, the same examiner came again, slightly more nervous than before.

"Weasley, your turn." Both of the twins walked up to him. "Oh, I guess its Fred first then. George, you wait here."

"Why him first?" asked George, offended.

"We go in alphabetical order, and F comes before G."

"Stupid list," George muttered loudly. "I think we should go through the list backwards."

The examiner did a horrible job of pretending he didn't hear him, and led Fred into the room. Fred stepped into a highly scented room and sat down on a pouffe in front of an old man.

"Ahh… welcome to your Advanced Divination Examination. I am Professor Uponavon. (A/N: lol, I'm learning about Shakespeare right now) I foresee that you are Fred Weasley, are you not?"

"Wow!" said Fred with mock-enthusiasm. "You are amazing! How did you know my name?"

"Well, Mister Weasley, I _am_ a highly-trained Diviner, you know. The Sight has been with me since birth."

"Oh, Professor Uponavon,"sighed Fred mockingly. "I hope to be _just_ like you when I grow up. It's been my dream ever since I heard about it!"

"Yes, I foresaw that. However, we must continue with the examination. Let us begin with Palmistry. My assistant, Professor Trelawney, will allow you to read her palm. Are you ready?"

"What? You mean you aren't going to ask me any division questions?" asked Fred.

"No, Mister Weasley, this is _Divination_."

"OOoohh."

"Alright, you may begin."

Fred snatched Madam Trelawney's palm very brusquely and held it so close to his face that his nose was almost touching it.

"Hmm…" said Fred. "_Hmm…_I see here you are clairvoyant, a prophetess. You have the Sight."

"Very good!" smiled Professor Uponavon. "Professor Trelawney does indeed."

"These lines and wrinkles… there are so many!" said Fred innocently. Professor Trelawney glared at him.

"I believe I see your past here." Fred quickly remembered what Harry had told him about Trelawney's predictions. "In 1979, did you meet Albus Dumbledore in the Hog's Head to be interviewed to be a professor at Hogwarts?"

Sybill nodded.

"Excellent, excellent." The old man said.

"And your most recent profession was...," Fred added. "A Divination Professor at Hogwarts?"

Again, Sybill nodded.

"OH!" exclaimed Professor Uponavon joyfully, as he clapped his hands. "And now, look into her future…"

"Yes, of course, Professor. I foresaw that you were going to ask me that, and was just going to tell you her future."

Trelawny sneezed, and right away, Fred pulled out an oddtissue and said "I predicted that you would sneeze during my examination, Professor Trelawney. That is why I brought a tissue."

"Well _done_, Mister Weasley," said Uponavon."You _do_ have the Sight."

But as Trelawney wiped her nose and discarded the tissue, her nose began to enlarge, and turn a nasty green color.

"Oh, dear!" said Fred. "I foresaw that you would come down with the rare Michinampliotitus disease, but I didn't want to believe it was true!"

Trelawney looked at Fred in pure terror, while Professor Uponavon looked in pure amazement that Fred could predict such a thing. When the examiner finally realized that Trelawney's nose was almost as big as her head and the situation was actually quite bad, he told Fred to leave, but promised him top marks.

Fred burst out through the doors with a proud grin on his face.

"So," asked George. "How did it go?"

"I don't reckon you'll be having your exam, mate."

"Why?" asked George sadly.

"Gave Trelawney a tip-enlarging tissue."

"You _what_?" exclaimed George. "Sweet Merlin!"

"George?"

"Yes'm?"

"I think our work here is done."

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THE END! GAH! I didn't think I was going to finish it so soon but I did. I'm so sorry! Please R&R my last chapter - please?


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